I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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