He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
