She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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