I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
