shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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