Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
did you just send me my own nude
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
