I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
