Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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