I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
