I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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