he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
