gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
