Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
