If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
