what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize