I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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