Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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