I wish my penis had an off switch
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
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it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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