Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
