I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
