I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
