ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
