You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
