you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize