That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize