Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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