I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
