He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
