im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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