I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
