The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
