She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How naked do you want me to be?
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