quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
