Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
