she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
