I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
