I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
