he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's get the cat blown out
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
