i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
