I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
