she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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