I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
