well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
