Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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