I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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