we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
