exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize