How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
