You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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