I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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