He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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