i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
