what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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