Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
