You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
