Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize
