Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
