My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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